Phantom pregnancy

If I didn't know better, I'd swear I was pregnant.

I mean, all the things it takes for me to get pregnant are in place:
-We went through, and are still dealing with, the most stress I've had in my life.
-We aren't currently remodeling, but we're thinking about improvements we'd like to make to our next place.
-I've gained weight after a recent weight loss.
-We said we're done with having more kids. In fact, Hyrum got the snip to make it final.

AND...I've been having phantom pregnancy symptoms for a month or more. So much so that I've taken 7 pregnancy tests in the last couple of months. I hate surprises and I never have patience to wait for a month after suspecting pregnancy. I can't rely on a missed period since I'm not what you'd consider a "regular" girl, so I just check randomly.

Here are the things I'm experiencing that I've experienced before when I was newly pregnant, which is why I keep thinking I'm pregnant:
-Increased bust size, by a cup!
-Weight gain. Ten pounds since August, but lately it's more body softening/plumping rather than numbers going up on the scale.
-Insatiable appetite
-Lack of desire to exercise, or do anything
-Carpal tunnel pain
-Sciatic nerve pain in my rear
-Nasty headaches

After the first couple of cheap tests looked suspicious, I broke down and bought digital tests...a box of 5. I've been through all the tests now and each one has been negative.

So I guess I'm not pregnant. I'm not hoping to be pregnant, but I wouldn't be sad if I was. I'm pretty neutral on the topic. One thing though, if I am pregnant, I'd finally have a good excuse for my chub! I really don't want to start another pregnancy at this weight though! It makes it sooooo hard to shed! Especially at my age! After 4 kids and being in my thirties, my skin has hardly any elasticity left, I swear!

The sad thing is, all my phantom pregnancy symptoms can be explained away, but I just don't want to face the reality. If I'd finally stop pigging out and actually do some exercise again, I'd lose weight, and then my bust would shrink. I've been sanding the triple bunk we built, so that's probably why I have carpal tunnel. And my sore rear end nerve? Well, I always get weird aches and pains for no reason.

But I keep suspecting that I'm prego! I'm out of tests, so I'm going crazy, and have to hold myself back from buying more.

I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat. I'm not pregnant. I'm just lazy. I'm not pregnant. I'm just stressed. I'M NOT PREGNANT!!!!!